He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak. Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall; but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.
- Isaiah 40:29-31

Monday, June 22, 2009


On Saturday the twins celebrated their 4th birthday. I can't believe that my babies are now 4 years old and ready to start pre-k in September. I remember the day that I found out I was having twins. I remember that the day before they were born was Father's Day and I was feeling a little funny. I remember going into labor and the delivery of Adam Michael followed by Joshua David. I remember their first cries and how I could feel my heart grow the moment they were born. I remember when Noah walked into my hospital room the next day and how much he aged right before my eyes. I remember how life promised to be an adventure with three boys.

What I don't remember is the time between their birth and now. I don't remember when they first crawled, walked or got their first tooth. I can't tell you how much they weighed at one year or what their favorite foods were. Those memories are lost. If I wasn't so busy caring for a toddler and two infants, I may have had more time to write these things down. I may have been able to organize a little better and remember those things. What I can tell you about my boys is that all of those memories were there for a short while and then stolen by cancer.

They say that cancer takes a lot away from you and it most certainly does. It has taken not only my memories but the precious time to make more memories away. For that reason alone, I hate cancer. I don't remember my twins being able to be twins but I do remember how Adam starred at Joshua for the longest time when we came home from our very first hospital stay. That stay was 28 days and the boys did not get a chance to see each other during that time. It was the beginning of a very rough and long road. A road that we have not yet reached the end of.

But, we'll get there. Jeff and I took the boys this weekend and went to Ocean City. We took them to the movies. We took them golfing and to get ice cream. We let them enjoy being boys and while my nerves were frazzled because of the germ factor, we did it. And we enjoyed being a family. We loved the time together and the making of memories. These memories, I promise not to lose. I've learned how precious they are and how they can be stolen in an instant.

Happy Birthday my sweet baby boys!


Brenda said...

Ami, that is the most beautiful thing I think I've ever read. You're so right, but not alone about the loss of precious memories. Sometimes maybe we store them so far back in our mentalities, they're still there. Your mind is too boggled right now with the "present" situations to worry about the past ones. One day, at like 3:00am you'll wake up to find yourself thinking, Oh my Goodness, their first words were this, and they crawled first on this date, and so forth. Time will be on your side always. In time things will change, good and bad will occur, that's life. It does suck and it makes you become a bitter person towards things that you normally shouldn't worry about. Like that idiot in traffic who blows you over and normally you would never take the time to worry about - shouldn't take the time to worry about - but like everything else, your fuse has to blow and they'll be the unlucky idiot to be at the end of that dynamite! :) Live every single day to the best you can and know that you love your family and show them that. Any one of us can be gone tomorrow or even tonight, but I hope if it's my time, at least my family knows that I love them more than anything and was there to show it when I could.