He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak. Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall; but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.
- Isaiah 40:29-31

Thursday, March 19, 2009


No hospital for us this week. Once again, Joshua didn't make counts and therefore is delayed yet another week. While we had originally though he would enter into maintenance around June, it is now looking like somewhere late summer to early fall. It really stinks. Right now I'm just counting down time to maintenance. Don't get me wrong, it's not like maintenance carries any less worry or any escape from hospital stays for fever, but it does mean lighter chemo at a daily, weekly and monthly rate. It still stinks but just has a more tolerable smell.

So now, we wait. We'll go back on Friday to check counts and see if he needs blood or platelets. If all is well, we'll plan for a Monday admission. Of course this does put us in serious jeopardy of missing our free overnight stay at the Spring Gala next weekend. Jeff and I are hoping not but now even if we do get a chance to stay at a hotel only 5 minutes away, we'll be sweating all night worrying that Joshua will get a fever and we'll have to head to Baltimore.

Delays. I guess we should be happy that Joshua made it this far without too many delays. It's just that I feel our whole life has been delayed. I think about how Adam and Joshua will be 4 in June and I can't remember much about these past four years except for hospital stays and chemo. There is just so much out there that I want to be able to do. I want to travel with the boys and not have to worry about a chemo schedule, counts or fevers. I want to be able to let Joshua go to school and not be terrified about what he will pick up. Heck, I want to potty train the kid and not have to keep putting it off because of him being hooked up to massive amounts of fluid to flush out the chemo from his body. I want all of this so bad that I can taste it. But, it's delayed. One day we'll get there. It just won't be today.